Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
