hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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