who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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