He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
