apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
