So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
