you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
