I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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