i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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