We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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