She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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