I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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