Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
