I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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