I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
