Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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