she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
