Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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