talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
