If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
