Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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