im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's shark week go big or go home
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
