You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
