I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
