The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
