If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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