yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
