I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
