It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
