so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pray to the hookup gods
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
