Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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