Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
