I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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