can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
