Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
