the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
