this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
