I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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