Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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