Apparently you make a good broom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
