I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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