if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
