i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
