I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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