Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
