Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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