I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize