If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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