he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
