I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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