my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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