oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
