Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
