It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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