Can i not drive my cunt home
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I AM VODKA MAN
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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