threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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