Betty ford says i'm here all night
it hurts more in the daytime
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
