$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
