any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
