It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
