i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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