He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
