brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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