I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So much Jack, so little girl.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
