you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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