She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
