i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
