dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
