Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
