Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
