My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
